Tauni: Letting go to let happen

Perhaps I have an undiagnosed case of Seasonal Affective Disorder, perhaps I was just living under my own special, heavy dark raincloud over the winter,or perhaps it was the fog of a new baby and a toddler.  Whatever "it" was, it's been established now that I felt the least happy and the least myself I had felt in a long time over this past winter.  So, it's interesting to try to understand why I all of a sudden feel MUCH more like myself than ever and finally feel like I am parenting in a way that doesn't make me cringe at the end of the day.  I've actually been very "me" the last few weeks and can attribute that to a few areas where I have experienced "ahhhh", release and letting go to let things happen. 

PEOPLE ENERGY:

There have been a few things I could point to that make me feel better.  One, and one BIG one, is that we've all been sleeping a lot better.  I finally acquiesced to the need to stay home for large stretches of the day to make sure my infant sleeps properly.  This decision had distinct ramifications for me and my toddler however.  Now, instead of heading out first thing in the morning to meet up with friends and go puddle jumping, we were spending hours on end just waiting for a window of time when both boys were awake to be able to do anything beyond our property limit.  This lent to two very stir crazy individuals.

Number two is that I acknowledged that, based on the above and despite my lack of readiness, my toddler needs more inspiration than me and we're lucky to be able to provide it.  A block away hours of playtime awaited my son in the form of preschool.  I was NOT ready...but apparently he was.  He's been coming home and saying how much fun he's having and practically skips down the street.  I can now be guilt free two mornings a week as he burns his energy playing with friends and learning new things as I let the baby sleep.

SPACIAL ENERGY
This is really what I wanted to write about and this is my overwhelming need to clear out space in our house.  We live in an old house with minimal storage and no garage.  When we moved in, I told my husband that any furniture or decor that did not make it into our living spaces was being donated.  I was not going to store anything that didn't belong in this house.  But living as we do, we end up accumulating as the years go by.  Add kids and the stuff piles high.  And I felt weighed down by my stuff.  A couple weeks ago I began a whole-house campaign to rid ourselves of anything that was not being used, didn't make us feel great, or otherwise just took up space.  In order to set an example, I went through ALL my clothes...every single piece.  Being that I am done having kids and am close to my pre-birth weight, I wanted to get rid of all clothes that don't fit well, are stretched out beyond recognition, don't look good or belong to another era (like all my suits from living abroad.  Really?  Even if I had to wear suits again, I doubt I'd go out into the world in the random, outdated suits I wore 10 years ago!!!)  I'll admit to holding on to two pair of ripped jeans because, not quite being at pre-birth weight yet, I just can't stomach buying new jeans, or really any new clothes.  So don't expect to see fashion walking down the street when you see me. It's just not as bad as it was!

Once my closet was down to about 20 hangers, I inspired my husband to tackle his.  Between the two of us we donated over 10 grocery bags full of perfectly usable clothes.  Ahhh, space.  And I did the same with the boys' clothes.  At the rate we do laundry, we didn't need 20 shirts and 15 pair of pants for each boy. So, again, I chose my favorites and passed on the rest...and we STILL have an overabundance. But now it doesn't feel so oppressive.

Finally, I was bound and determined to create ONE space in our house where I could go and close the door; a place that was NOT the bathroom.  Living in a house with a loft is fun and funky but not private.  I yearned for a little slice of privacy.  We rearranged one whole room, got rid of a bed, acquired a futon, stole a rug from another room in the house and now have a dreamly little playroom and mommy sanctuary.  I have felt so excited every time I've gone in there and closed the door. 

CREATIVE ENERGY



Dry salt curing olives

Likely because I've been feeling better, but also because it is spring and spring inspires new growth and inspiration, I've been wanting to get my hands into things.  My son and I have planted a number of seeds to plant for spring.  We've pulled out the old veggies and gotten the soil prepared for the new.  We built a structure out of bamboo and twine.  We planted beans and peas at the base of the structure and hope that this summer the boys can play inside a bean fort.  At the urging of a friend, I've finally picked all the olives off our tree and for the first time ever am experimenting with curing our own olives. 

My mom bought me a great sewing maching for $20 at a garage sale.  It's been staring me in the face since summer.  I finally got the motivation to try something new and made my first "batch" of reusable snack bags.  They are definitely homemade (ie: have raggedy seams), but function!  I'm obsessed...for now.  Just can't figure out when I'll have time to actually make more.

Not sure I can keep all this up, but the dabbling into many different things has been helping me figure out what really gets me excited, makes me light up and otherwise gives me something to look forward to.   I truly attribute all this new energy to having cleaned house...literally and figuratively.  I can't recommend it enough.  Go through your stuff...what is weighing you down?  What don't you need anymore?  Give it new life somewhere else and free up your space.  See what happens!