Monday, March 7, 2011

Colette: Inspiration through creation

I have always known that motherhood would be my future.  Not that I wasn’t ambitious or didn’t have career goals, but what I saw myself doing in my thirties was volunteering in kindergarten classrooms and driving to ballet/swim/karate classes - not sitting in board rooms and driving to an office building.  I ached to be a mom who was present and attentive for her kids.  A mom who made homemade baby food and read to them for an hour each day to expand their vocabularies.  I promised myself that my children wouldn’t watch TV before age 3, would only eat whole grain, organic cereals, and would never throw a tantrum in the grocery store.  Then I had my first daughter…

Soon it became clear my pre-baby ideas were unrealistic and silly.  Dinner at times could not get made unless
Sesame Street
“babysat” my daughter for a half an hour.  Healthy Cheerios were given up for Golden Grahams when that was all she would eat.  And when I saw a mom with a screaming kid at Target I just wanted to give her a hug and tell her I knew how she felt.  My first lessons of motherhood were to “never say never”, and not to judge others for their parenting choices

While I loved my daughter with a deeper sense of love than I ever before felt in my life, I was not prepared for what it really meant to be a mom.  I had anticipated the joy of seeing her first smile, and the pride I would feel in generosity and intelligence, but I did not anticipate the day to day monotony that also accompanies raising children.  Never ending cleaning of bodily fluids, dishes, toys, and clothes.  Reading of the same book over and over because that was all she wanted to hear.  Doing the same puzzle and stacking the same blocks every day till I wanted to poke my eyes out.  And what I was really unprepared for was the inability to accomplish anything that was my own because I simply didn’t have the time, energy, or motivation. 

After my second daughter was born I simply became complacent to who I used to be and who I wanted to be outside of being a wife and a mother.  I was resigned to defining myself as only their mom and getting my sense of self through them and their needs and accomplishments. While I was working two days a week outside of the house I wasn’t feeling fulfilled by it so I then felt guilty being away from my girls doing something that wasn’t helping me to be a better mother or person.  I wasn’t unhappy by any means, but I was feeling creatively lacking and longed for something that was mine and mine alone. 

Before having kids I dabbled in all sorts of arts and craft.  I threw pottery, I knit scarves and hats, I designed birthday and thank you cards, and I made beaded jewelry.  I would get a jolt of excitement when a picture in my mind would become a reality in my hands.  I desperately wanted to feel this again, but I also secretly wanted to create something others may want too.

I was given a necklace for a baby gift that was two sterling silver disks with the names of my girls stamped into each one.  I cried when I received it and I wore it everyday.  I was fascinated by how it was made and I had an unexplained belief that I could make something similar if not better.  One dreary afternoon I suddenly made a proclamation to myself that I was going to start making hand stamped silver jewelry and was going to sell it online.  In hindsight this was subconsciously something I always wanted to do but didn’t believe I could do.  At the time it really felt more like the universe was pushing me forward because it knew this is what I truly needed to do.  I believed that the only way I could fail was if I didn’t try. That night when I told my husband this crazy idea I was blessed with his instant support.  From the get go he said “Great, I know you can do it.”  He never questioned my desire or drive, he just said, “How can I help?”

I embarked on researching extensively how to make the products I wanted to create and I began to gradually buy supplies.  For the first few months I would work for hours after my girls had gone to bed learning, practicing, designing, and creating my jewelry.  It was as if something was awakened inside of me that I didn’t even know had been asleep.  I began to give away necklaces to friends and family.  Soon these same people wanted to buy things for their friends and family.  Word of mouth slowly spread.  I had a website built and began to sell my items on Etsy.  Every month my sales would grow and my confidence would grow.  A year later I woke up and realized I had not only become a jewelry designer, but a photographer (having taken hundreds of product shots for my website), a business woman, and a better mom.  It has been 20 months since the afternoon I made the choice to start my business and I have made and sold over 700 pieces of jewelry.  It is a day to day challenge to stay focused and motivated, but I wake up with the intention that I am going to create something that day that is valuable and meaningful to someone else which makes me want to do it more and do it better.


Addie Rose necklace

I gave myself a reality that had only been a dream.  And this gave me a pride and belief in my abilities and individuality that had been severely compromised before.  I love that my 5 year old tells her kindergarten class that her mommy’s job is making jewelry, and that what she wants to give as gifts to her friends for their birthdays is a necklace that I make.  I want to show both my girls that you can create anything you believe is worth creating, and that the harder you work the luckier you get (thank you Mark Twain.)

I named my business Addie Rose after my girls, Adelaide Katherine and Avery Rose because without them I don’t think I would have done this.  I don’t think I would have found the drive, patience and dedication in me to make it happen.  Motherhood at first suppressed my passions and identity (I was just too tired and overwhelmed to find them), but now motherhood has given me those things ten fold.  I have never felt more like me in my life.

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